Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
