I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize