I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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