Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize