i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
