Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
