Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
