yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
