Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
