I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
