yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize