New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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