Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
