your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Text me some of your sweat
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
