Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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