so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize