who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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