I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
