I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
