Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
