I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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