Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
