she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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