did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
