True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
