friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
