No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I color on your dick again?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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