Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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