one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
