Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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