maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
