How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
