They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
