I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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