take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
