i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
