hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
