I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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