So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish you could order shots online.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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