it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
