I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
