You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
