I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
