Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
