A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize