yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
