I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
babies were throwing up all over the place
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
