So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
