Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
