Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
