He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
