Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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