Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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