I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
