No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
