Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
