I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
