i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
