I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
