I am in a vortex of obligation.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
