wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
