I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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