I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
