When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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