I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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