Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
