we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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