Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
