do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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