I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize