your parents love me but you hate me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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