Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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