If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
