if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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