I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
