Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
