You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
