Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
